Give Yourself Grace

I've been meaning to write a post but I haven't known what to talk about nor have I had much to say. And I've had too much to say. 

Well, I'm currently sitting in my car for the next hour with nothing to do- so what better time than now. 

I'm actually pretty frustrated as to why I'm sitting in my car. I was supposed to be taking a Krav Maga class with my husband. He's been wanting to take a class with me for a while now. He found a free one and signed us up. I was totally on board until we got here. As we started walking up to the door I started freaking out.

What if my body isn't strong enough yet? What if I embarrass myself? What if I push it and relapse? I'm going to be critiqued on my moves. Look at that girl walking in... She has abs and great legs. I got tired scrubbing a microwave today... 

Safe for you to assume I didn't take the class. Tanner hugged me and told me there is no need to force myself to do anything I don't feel comfortable doing. I've already spent most of my life being forced to do things... Pain, PICC line, disease, bed-ridden, awful medicine, sick, needles... 

So now I'm sitting in the car. Starring at the "Krav Maga" sign. Crying. 

Did I let anxiety win? I don't know. 

Should I have pushed myself? Maybe. 

Am I putting my health first? I think so. 

Am I embarrassed and wish I could be up there getting a great body? Yes. 

There's some vulnerable Rebekah for ya. Want some more? 

I hate that I'm not a "normal" 24-year-old. I quit school after my Associates degree because I got too sick to handle it. I've had two "real" jobs. One lasted 3 years and the other 3 months (my admin job ended because the church closed). 

And I'm currently not working because I realized I've lived with a disease for 24 years and have already relapsed within 2 months of being told I was clean. I still have some pain and minor symptoms. I'm better than I've ever been, but not exactly where I want to be. I really don't know what I'm doing. I know where I want to be, and I'm trying everything I can do to get there, but it's still a process. I need to give myself grace and understand what I really went through. I need to process and heal completely. Tanner's doctor told me that she encourages her patients to "act sick" for 6 months after they're released to get accustomed to life, get 100%, and build an immunity. Not finding my identity in sickness and making up symptoms that arent there, but more like not full throttle and pushing myself. 

I have days where I couldn't be more proud of myself. Like yesterday when I went grocery shopping by myself for the very first time ever. I did like 3 weeks worth of meal prep and bought it all. 

And I have days where I sit in my car and cry because I'm not "normal" and still have walls to jump. But there are more proud days than cry days. 

What's the moral of this story?

A great time to blog is when you're in the car with nothing to do... Just kidding ;)

Grace. Grace is the moral of the story. I need to accept grace from my Jesus and give myself grace. 

It's OKAY that I'm not "normal". It's OKAY that I have limits. It's OKAY that I feel like a fish out of water. IT'S OKAY! I'm doing the best I can and I should be proud of that. For crying out loud I beat a disease that Drs. didn't think I would. I made it through the darkest nights. Jesus' grace was and still is enough. 

I BEAT LYME DISEASE!!!! And that's enough. Maybe my life doesn't look like anyone else, but does anyone's life look alike? This is my story. I'll go at the pace I need to. I choose my health. I don't choose to be on the same timeline or mental stability as everyone else. 

I'm proud of how I went grocery shopping alone. I'm proud of how I push myself and go hiking to see gorgeous views. I'm proud of how I can do certain things that used to give me anxiety. I'm proud of how I work out in the gym. I'm proud of myself for reading my body and doing what I need. I'm proud of myself for driving alone. I'm proud of myself for going to Doctor appointments alone. I'm proud of my Spartan medal. 

I'm choosing to focus on my LONG list of accomplishments and not my small list of fears and "fails".  I'm proud of how far I've come. And more importantly Jesus is proud of me. 

~ "You don't have to prove yourself. Don't try to be someone else. You are loved." 

To My Fellow Warriors

This is for all the lyme warriors, my fellow spoonies, my chronically ill friends. To those of you who deal with physical pain and fight mental illness. To those who can't get out of bed because they either are mentally or physically unable to. To those who have been told a medical answer that made your stomach drop. To those of you who fight everyday for your life. 

You're not alone. 

I know the pain of blocking off from the world because the anxiety is too much. I know what it's like to not have any consistency with your health. I know the fear in seeing your Dr's number come up on your phone. I know how it feels to not know why you're not okay. I know pain. I know so much pain that it's physically and mentally torturing. I know how it feels to wake up each morning and not know if it'll be a good day or a bad day. If you'll end up in the hospital or even be able to get out of bed. I know choosing to fight for your life. 

You are brave. 

You are some of the bravest people I know. It takes guts to fight day in and day out. This thorn in your side is not for the faint of heart. Not many people can keep fighting when they don't know the outcome. You are brave and courageous. You have a warrior heart. You are some of the strongest people I know. Every time you get knocked down you get back up. That's true bravery. 

I know you see friends and family on Instagram and Facebook going on adventures, getting married, attending school, having babies, climbing mountains, and going places. And I know your heart aches to do the same. I know you can't wait to do things and see things. And it's actually physically painful that you can't. 

I know the grief of wanting something so bad and it being impossible to achieve. 

But beloved, there are things you can do that they can't. There are things they are not able to do too. What you see on social media isn't everything. Learn to enjoy what you can and find beauty in where you are. No matter how much darkness you are walking through there is always something beautiful to be found. Look for it. Seek it out. Rejoice in the 5 min walk. Laugh with your family and friends. Enjoy sitting outside. Do what you can and enjoy it. Don't compare you accomplishments to others. Be proud of yourself. Learn to enjoy where you are in life, otherwise the jealousy will eat you alive. 

Please do what you can. Don't push yourself so much that you'll compromise your health. It's not worth it. Nothing is worth your health. Do what you can and enjoy exactly that. Add on a little at a time. 

Say no. It's okay. It doesn't matter what people think or expect of you. They don't know you. They don't know how much milk you like in your cereal. Only you know what you can do. Only you know what you can do that won't jeopardize your health. Don't let people's sighs or comments or looks put you in a place of people pleasing and sickness. It's not worth it. Your health is your #1 priority. 

And that's okay. 

You are not a failure because you can't climb mountains and travel the seas. You are not worthless because you ask for help. You are beloved. God cares and sees and loves you. The truth is you are courageous. You have learned things very few people have learned. You have compassion most people never get to feel. You are part of a world that has opened up your eyes and made you intelligent and selfless. 

You are so much more than your battle. Don't own that. Don't call your illness yours. Don't put value in what your Dr calls you and speaks over you. You are a child of God and are not a slave to fear. You are hidden in Christ- not Lyme or anxiety or fibro or MS or depression.  Know who you are and who's you are. 

Dream my warriors, dream! Just because you can't have it now doesn't mean you won't ever have it. Let your dreams help you fight and push forward. Let them give you something to live for. God doesn't give us desires to torture us or tease us. Let's retrain our thinking. Let's see dreams as medicine for the soul. I was once told that the right thing at the wrong time is still the wrong thing. And that's okay, friends. Because the right time could be just around the corner. Choose your health and dream. Hold on to hope. 

Just because you can't do a,b and c doesn't mean you can't do r, s and t. I think it's more beautiful to find beauty and enjoyment where you are than to mark things off a bucket list. Your heart is what matters. You could travel the world, have all the babies you want, and have a killer body... But if you don't know how to find beauty in the hardest of times, what do you have? 

Friends, your battle is not in vain. This is not your forever. I am so proud of you. You are a fighter and a warrior and brave.  Your life is of value. Look for the beauty. And dream big dreams. 

~"There’s hope for the hopeless

And all those who’ve strayed

Come sit at the table

Come taste the grace

There’s rest for the weary

Rest that endures

Earth has no sorrow

That heaven can’t cure"

Let's Clear Things Up

I feel like I may have been to quick in my last post about my Dr. appt and it confused people. So I wanted to explain what's going on a little better... 

Last week when I saw my LLMD he did some testing and found babesia (a coinfection to Lyme that makes you feel flu-like) in my body. I was cleared of Babesia in January. I've been off all treatment since January, but sometime in the past couple months the boogers returned. 

They could have gone into hiding and popped back out or I could have given them to Tanner and he gave it back or it's a straight up relapse. 

I know a lot of you are not thrilled with me using the word "relapse". But I'm okay with it. Why? Because I'm not giving it value. I believe that every name must bow to the name of Jesus and babesia is a name so I'm calling it out and telling it to obey Jesus Christ. 

I saw my therapist last week and was challenged to stop finding my value in  "not having Lyme". Funny, huh? For so long I learned to not find my value in having Lyme... But I can't do the opposite either. Otherwise finding out Babesia is hanging around my body makes me freak out and fall apart. 

I'm not giving any of that value. No value in babesia, relapse and not even in not having a disease. My value is 100% in Christ. I am a child of God. Period. No matter what happens with my health- I am a child of God. End of story. 

So what now? 

Well, I'm back on treatment. I'm herxing. So I feel flu-like, pain in my chest, ribs, spine, heart. Dr.N thinks it's just 1 month worth and I'll be off treatment again. Tanner will be getting tested in a couple weeks to see if he is carrying Lyme or coinfections and he'll start treatment. My Dr doesn't believe you can normally pass it to each other if you're on treatment. So Tanner will start before I finish and we should both be clear and no more sharing. 

To be frank... It sucks. I don't like feeling sick. Those couple of months of almost symptom free are now teasing me. I have to continuously take my thoughts captive and trust that God is good and He will make sure the victory is bigger and better than the battle. I don't get why this happened. I'm really good at being healthy and enjoying life ;) really not fond of this nonsense. I feel foggy headed and I'm having a difficult time connecting my brain and thoughts. I feel sluggish and fatigued. 

But I know I'll make it through. I know  I'm victorious in Christ and that I'll be okay. I really appreciate those of you who were sympathetic and said "sorry, that sucks". Thanks for getting mad with me and being upset. That's what I needed. There's not much to say. Thank you for the lime green hearts and the prayers. I need them. I don't know how to do another round of treatment without God's grace. 

What does the future look like? Stupid news: I have no clue. Lovely news: Jesus will still be Lord. I couldn't tell you if I'll be Lyme free again in a month or if those boogers will come back in a few months. Or if I'll be cleared and stay lyme free till Jesus brings me home. Either way Jesus will be Lord and I'll be okay because I am a child of God. 

Fun little God story: On Mother's Day I was having a rough time not being a mommy. I know it's not the time. I know I need to get healthy first. I know it all. The common sense in me agrees. But my heart was aching. Not only is it not the right time, but it's not even possible. My hormones got a little hurt with Lyme and need to be healed and start working on their own. ANYWAY. It sucks. And I was telling Jesus and Tanner that I'm not into this plan. I decided to do one of those 'let's see what my daily devotion says and see if God will speak through it' things. And the first line said,"I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten." Joel 2:25 

And I cried. That's my promise from the Lord. That's what I can hold on to. No matter what I've lost during these years of sickness Jesus will restore it. And I know His restoration is so much better than my plan A. 

If you have any questions please ask. This is my life. I'm all about Lyme Disease awareness. It's a stupid disease. And I refuse to do nothing about it.  

~ "Be brave, my darling you have faced dark times before and you're still here now."

And If Not, He Is Still Good

I was hoping this post would just be filled with the awesome things that I have been doing. All the life I've been living and celebrating and adventures I've been on. 

But I have some not so great news. I was debating on what to share first and decided to get the bad news out of the way and then focus on the great stuff. 

Today I saw my LLMD and found out Babesia has returned. Is it a relapse, or did Tanner give it to me or did it come out of hiding? Who knows. I'm back on Babesia treatment for the next month. Hopefully that will really be the end of this. 

I'm processing. I'm a little mad. But to be honest, I'm not surprised. I have a few symptoms I'd rather not live with. Headaches, ringing in the ears, rib pain, and chest pain. It's better than it's ever been, but not 100%. 

Tanner will start treatment in a couple weeks so I'll be safe on treatment till he can start. Then this sharing nonsense can end ;) so maybe it's by God's grace I'm on treatment till Tanner starts. Protect me from getting it worse till Tanner gets cleared up. 

God is still good

I've resolved that no matter what happens God is good, I'm loved by the King of kings, and my world has not changed. My hope is in Jesus, so I can never be hopeless. God has not failed me and He won't start now. 

I used to watch this tv show when I was sick. The girl had leukemia and was going through treatment. She got better and went into remission, started living life then she relapsed.  In the show she said something about being stupid for thinking it was gone. 

I'm not going to think like that. Instead I'm choosing joy. How blessed am I to get to rely on God's strength and watch Him move mountains. How sweet that my life is dependent on God's grace. How beautiful is it that I get to keep learning about God's character. 

Now that that's out of the way... 

I got a part-time job. My mom, best friend and husband threw me a "something beautiful" party. And I did a Spartan race this past weekend. Best part... I feel the best I have ever felt in my life! 

I currently work as an Administrative Assistant at my church. I adore my job. I love waking up with a purpose. I love earning a paycheck. I love what I do and who I work for. It's just perfect. Jesus was so involved with me getting that! 

So I had this dance party... I wore a bright lime green dress and danced for almost 3 hours. My friends and family came to celebrate with me. When I was my sickest this was the party I dreamt about and waited for. I used to say, "Mom, you promise when I feel better we'll dance?" And she promised. So here it was. My dance party. Celebrating that I made it through the darkest of nights. I didn't want to call it a remission party cause I believed God healed me. I still do believe God healed me. 

This was the best party ever. 

This past weekend I did a Spartan Sprint.  4.9 miles and 20 obstacles. I had so much fun and can't wait to do another. I carried heavy things and jumped walls and swung from a rope and did burpees... And a lot more. I crossed the finish line covered in mud, with tears in my eyes, and wished it wasnt over yet. 

Being told I have Babesia again doesn't change the fact that I've moved out, gotten a job, danced for almost 3 hours, and did a Spartan race. And now I'm training for a half marathon. 

Can I challenge you? 

Don't live life waiting for the next shoe to drop. That's not going to stop the bad from happening. And when crap does happen your world has not changed. You are still adored by Jesus. You are still more than a conqueror. And you are victorious. 

Life is like a video game. Each level gets harder. But when you conquer that level you move up. You get another super power or more tokens or a gift. It wasn't wasted. When challenges come, overcome them, don't get stuck in them. Challenges are your opportunity to get closer to Jesus, grow and learn. 

So bring it. I'm ready to destroy the last bit of Lyme in my body. Bring on the treatment. Cause I know that the finish line is close. It couldn't kill me the first time, it won't kill me this time. Plus I'm even stronger than before. 

"This is my fight song, take back my life song." 

I Want To Be A Hat

"It's like all my life everybody keeps telling me that I'm a shoe. You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe! But what if I don't want to be a shoe anymore? Maybe I'm a purse, or a hat... I don't want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a hat! It's a metaphore, daddy!" 

This quote is from the TV show 'Friends'. Rachel was explaining to her dad why she's wanting to get a job and doesn't need his money anymore. She had just left her fiancé at the alter and had never had a job or done life on her own. 

I can relate so much to this. 

There have been a few changes in my life recently and it has kinda freaked me out. All I know is being the "sick one". I know basing all my decisions off my health and how I'm going to feel. I know pills and making a schedule for food/pills/IV infusions/sleep. I know physical pain and mental torture. I know how to be sick. 

But that's not who I am anymore. I'm not in a wheelchair. I can take showers on my own and get dressed alone. I'm not in constant mental and physical pain. I'm capable, confident, and independent. 

I feel like I'm rerouting my brain. Figuring out what I like and what I don't like. And finding my limits and trying to push them. I've relied on things and pills and people for so long I'm learning my strengths and capabilities. 

Sometimes I feel like a fish trying to climb a tree. I haven't really done life healthy before. Basically I was constantly waiting for the next shoe to drop and not knowing how long it would last before it did drop. 

But that's not who I am anymore.

I'm not that person. 

I'm not defined by sickness or disease. I'm not wasting away. I'm not stuck at a red light or watching life pass me by. I'm fully capable, confident, and getting healthier by the minute. My life is not controlled by my health.

Seriously, this is the craziest concept to me. I look at pre treatment Rebekah- nope I'm not her. I look at during treatment Rebekah- I'm nothing like her. I'm a whole new person. 

And I like the new me. Funny thing is I'm still learning who the new me even is. 

I've been having to fight through fears and anxieties with continuing to be healthy, medical bills, and coming back into the world. I hate medical bills. It amazes me how we get bills almost 6 months after the ER visits. 

Some nights ago I was worrying about bills. I was closing off and wanting to hide in my own world and focus on the problem. Tanner was praying with me, trying to get me out of the apartment for a date, and being super encouraging. But I just couldn't get out of the stressed out cloud. 

When finally it hit me- is this really how I want to live my life? Do I really want it to be moments before Jesus calls me home and look back and see all the time I stressed and feared? Look back in my life and think "Rebekah, you should have trusted God more. Claimed more peace. And rested in God's promises. Instead you let anxiety ruin time with your husband. You let fears stop you from creating wonderful memories. You stressed instead of living the abundant life." 

Someone I know's mom died a couple weeks ago after a long, hard battle with cancer. She truly is the definition of a warrior. She went to be with Jesus at too young an age. I hate cancer. My Granny went to dance with her Savior at a young age because of cancer as well. She's an inspiration to me. I also recently read a post on one of my Lyme Awarness pages were someone lost their son, 19 years old, to Lyme Disease. This hits too close to home. I hate Lyme Disease. 

For some reason I'm still here and I'm still kicking. Lyme Disease didn't take my life. And now I want to live well. I want to enjoy my days and not rob my husband of a joyful evening because of stress. I don't want to take good memories from my family because of fear. And I don't want to steal evenings filled with laughter and friends because of anxiety. I want to live well and soak up as much of life as I can. 

For Sue. 

For Granny.

For my fellow Lyme Warrior. 

Don't let feeling inadequate in your daily journey, and being uncertain of the days to come, and feeling crushed on all sides ruin your moments. Don't let it steal your joy, laughter, memories, and relationships. Life is too precious to let fear, anxiety and stress rob us of the beauty around us. 

As I enter back into society I'm going to give myself lots of grace. I'm also going to remind myself that I've come so far from where I used to be. I'll remind myself that stress won't get me anywhere, but laughter gives good memories. And I'm not going to force myself to climb a tree if I'm a fish. But maybe I'm not a fish, maybe I'm a lion. Or an eagle. Or a leapord. Either way I'm going to enjoy finding out. 

|Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in one pretty and well preserved piece, but to slide across the finish line broadside, thoroughly used up, worn out, leaking oil, and shouting GERONIMO!!!|

 

Something Beautiful

Sometimes I'll go a majority of the day and realize I haven't eaten anything (yay for having abdominal pain and no appetite). But I drink water like my life depends on it. I love water. I'm pretty sure I dream about water. And when I can't eat, all I want is food and all the food in the world. Bad food and good food. 

Why in the world am I telling you about my addiction to water and feelings towards food? 

Cause I'm crazy. 

For real. 

Naw, I'm kidding. But not really ;) 

I'm having a couple ultrasounds done today and can't eat or drink for 8 hours. I'm literally sitting here on the couch, typing away, thinking about water and what I'll eat around 3:45 today, after my appointment. 

I still have a lot of upper and lower abdominal pain and rib/chest pain. I also deal with too high of testosterone and too low of progesterone. I get nauseous/lightheaded/fatigued pretty easily and too often. 

So I'm getting some tests done to see what's going on. It could be my body still recouping after Lyme Disease or a whole different problem. I'm hoping its a different problem. A fixable, easy, painless problem. 

I think a lot of Chronically Ill folks can relate to the desire of wanting something to come back on medical tests. Like being told "everything looks fine" is discouraging. If you can't relate to this just imagine being in pain 24/7 and no one knowing why. Or better yet, imagine being in pain 24/7 and being told you're disease-free, but you're body is still working something out. So just wait it out. 

It's discouraging to say the least. 

I hate being in pain. Along with water, I also dream about not having a medical symptom for 10 min. Don't get me wrong, I'm WAAAAAY better than I was a year ago. Heck, I'm better than I was 6 months ago. But, I'd rather not live like this. 

My hormone doctor did some blood work and it came back "good". And now we are going to try some ultrasounds. I see my LLMD on Monday and I'm

sure he'll be able to help me. 

I'm really struggling with where I am in life right now. I absolutely adore living with my husband in our apt, where I can touch all our wedding gifts and enjoy one another. But this still isn't where I wanted to be at 24. Chronically ill, not able to go to school or hold a job and living in an apt with my cat and husband with medical bills coming in, what feels like every other day. I had this perfect image in my head of being a missionary either in a 3rd world country or on the streets of NYC. IF I got married I wanted to have babies early on in marriage and have so many I'd forget their names ;) but not really.  

I'm not saying any of this for ya'll to feel bad for me or for a great deal of sympathy. I just want to be honest and I know others deal with the same thing. I want someone to read this and, even just for a moment, know they are not alone and their feelings are shared. 

You see, I know God will be glorified in and through this. I know my pain and suffering isn't in vain or a waste. I know this fight isn't for fun or God making a joke. I know there is a reason. There has to be a reason. Sometimes I just wish the reason could be seen now. Because being young and sick - the kind of sick that takes over your life for months and years- sucks. And is depressing and lonely. 

One of my favorite songs ever is "Something Beautiful" by Needtobreathe. My favorite band in the whole world. Part of the Lyrics go like this: 

"Hey now, this is my desire

Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful to touch me, I know that I'm in reach

'Cause I am down on my knees, I'm waiting for something beautiful" 

I'm waiting. In hope and in desperation. I'm waiting for my something beautiful. And while I wait, while I breathe, I hope. I know God will be victorious and I am more than a conqueror. 

It's not that I'm not living somewhere crazy. It's not that I'm not a mom. It's not even that I didn't finish my bachelor's degree or that I don't have a job. It's that I'm here, on the couch, with a heating pad... 

But you know what? My story is not in vain. My pain has a purpose. And my life is of value. I'm part of a world many don't get to experience. I'm part of a community of some of the toughest fighters on the planet.  

I was just telling Tanner last night how now that I've seen I'm responsible. How spoiled am I that God blessed me with a big mouth and heart and dreams. He made me mighty for war. And even though I'm currently fighting my personal battle and getting through this dirty mess... One day I'll be able to be a bigger voice for the people fighting their personal battle. 

My something beautiful is knowing that even as I wait... I'm still an advocate. 

This isn't the life I dreamed of or what was "supposed" to happen. But how sweet of Jesus to give me hope. And how sweet of God to see the bigger picture and know my current battle is going to be worth it. My suffering isn't a waste. Your suffering isn't a waste. Our suffering isn't a waste. We are part of a story much bigger than ourselves. A story that's totally worth it. No matter how it ends. 

~ My heart will stay steadfast, I know that You are good.

Moving On

I can't believe we are moving tomorrow morning. As I'm attempting to pack up the little bedroom Tanner, our cat, and I stayed in over the past 17 months I can't help but cry. Happy tears, sad tears, overwhelmed tears... Lots of tears. 

17 months ago Tanner and I moved in with my parents because he was applying to be a state patrol and we overlapped 3 months of our lease being up and state patrol school starting. Little did we know Tanner would decline his acceptance because I was going to become extremely ill. 

I remember the week of us moving like it was yesterday. I was having health problems a couple weeks before we moved. We moved on a Sunday and the Monday before I was diagnosed with Lyme Disease. The day we moved I sat in the corner curled up in a ball- sick as a dog. 

Tanner had to make the hard decision 3 months later to decline his acceptance into state patrol. He did this because he wanted our marriage to be first and to fight for me. Who knew 3 months of waiting turned into 17 months of sickness. 

I'm so thrilled to have my own space with my husband- but I'm also terrified. I mean the last time I tried moving out I moved back in and stayed there cause I got so sick. I'm worried about relapsing. But I'm learning I can't make all future decisions based off fear of the unknown. 

Lyme Disease is something I've lived with and I'm going to live with. I believe Jesus healed me. Does this mean permanently or just for now? I don't know. I know relapsing happens and isn't uncommon. But I also know God is good and is going to take care of me. He always has and always will. 

Tanner and I lived with my parents for 17 months and lived on our own for 16  months... We have had quite the journey in almost 3 years. I love my husband more than words can express. 

My parents are the most incredible people. How many people take in their daughter and son in law and bless their socks off for a year and a half? The fact that they were able to help us amazes me. I'm so beyond thankful they were in a position to help us at our lowest point. I have absolutely no idea what we would have done without their support and love. We needed them and there they were. My parents served us and took such good care of us. Made an awful situation a tolerable one. They made us laugh when death felt tangible. They cried with us when we couldn't find hope. They stayed up super late to make sure I was okay. They did our chores and cooked meals and did laundry. They prayed with us when life was too hard. Drove me to Dr appts and made sure I ate and took my meds. They were never too busy for us and put us first. They may not have known what exactly to do... But they did it. They kept me alive. 

My parents were Jesus with skin on and we couldn't be more thankful for their generosity. They deserve lots of jewels in their crowns in heaven. 

I feel like I'm leaving a season of life. I'm still grieving it though. Trying to learn how to deal with feeling better, but not 100%. Trying to learn my boundaries and keep my health #1. Trying to fight for peace and be content with where I am. 

I feel like the demon of Lyme Disease stole a chunk of my days. But Jesus is restoring 10 fold and showing me the beauty in the life I have. 

~ Life takes us to unexpected places, but love brings us home.