So how am I doing? Where am I at? How can you pray?
Well, I never saw that "turn for the better" Dr.N was hoping I'd see. Actually, this past month has been really hard. Last month, month 5, was okay. I mean it was like the couple months before it. The "normal" pain and neurological issues. But this month was down right miserable. I even broke down and called my Dr to ask if I should go to the ER. My heart was hurting, like this piercing/tight/unable to breathe pain. And my chest was tight and I could barely breathe without crying. I was kinda freaking out. Dr. N said I was having a babesia flair up. This was due to the bartonella dying off and the babesia was "taking it's place" and becoming the top infection in my body. He said we were gonna have to attack it harder when I see him next. Whoopie! I guess we'll find out in a couple days what that all entails.
He was really reassuring, which was super encouraging. He said the ER wouldn't know what to do with a babesia flair up. But he also told me he understood how extremely painful and scary heart pain can be and he hates when his patients call about it, cause he can't do anything on the spot. He also said that when he saw me again we'll get it figured out and keep attacking the disease head on. The fight continues.
I've been praying for encouragement lately because it's been so hard. I didn't know what that would look like, and I didn't have an expectation- just needed something. And God delivered. Over the past week I've gotten letters, texts, messages and spoons. Yes, spoons!
I was given actual spoons from friends. How sweet and thoughtful is that?! They each have such a special meaning to me. I cried when I got each one of them. I have the spoons where I can see them all the time to remind myself that I'm loved. And that I can do this.
It's hard to help a Lymie. That's why these spoons mean so much to me. It's not a generic gift, but something really personal and meaningful to where I'm at. I mean making a Lymie a meal is hard cause our diets are super strict. And hanging out with us is not easy. Some of us can't drive. We may set a date and have to break it cause it could be a bad health day. And if we say yes to one thing we probably have to say no to the next.
This pass weekend I was able to go to church and was bombarded by people telling me they are praying for me and being encouraging. People that are going through some really tough things went out of their way to pray for me and see how I'm doing.
This week has been good for my heart. I love words of encouragement, and my spoons, and people laying hands on me to pray.
It's also hard to receive it- and humbling. I want to be helping people I see struggling, but I have absolutely no energy to do so. I want to go find meaningful spoons for people and make meals, but no energy. I know it's my season to rest and fight for my health though. Because of that I started writing down all the ways people have reached out to me and ways I can help others. So when I'm able I can pass it on.
Alright, I'm done rambling. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for praying for me and encouraging me. It's getting me through. Here's to month 7 and that "turn for the better".
Energy Expelled: Three hours to write. Stiffness in hands and fingers. Massive headache. And the usual sweety hands. I wrote this at 3am. Haven't slept in four days. Sorry for the poor grammar.
~ "Without hope I wouldn't be able to breathe..."