When I was talking on the phone with Dr.N I was explaining to him how bad my symptoms have been and he said I'm relapsing. Which totally sucks! I'm so frustrated cause just three weeks ago I saw him and he said I was responding and improving-but I feel like now I've lost all that. Pretty discouraging.
Never thought I'd say this, but, I miss my IV and oral meds. Now that I'm relapsing I can look back on last month and see how they were helping. In the moment it was hard to see, but I believed Dr.N that I was getting better. And now that I'm off of them I can see the good change that was happening. I really hope I can start treatment again on Thursday!
Something I've been learning recently is how important it is for me to take every thought captive. I struggle with depression, which I don't know if that's the disease or the fact that I've been cooped up in pain for 8 months. It doesn't naturally come to me to chose hope. If I don't focus on God's promises, prophetic words, and hope I can sink down fast.
I've had to learn to focus on the truth of things and not the heaviness and doubt. I constantly have to remind myself that God's plans for me are for good, for me to prosper, and to live an abundant life. That God works all things together for good and His glory will be shown in and through all of this. That God does not like seeing His children in pain, but on the other hand He doesn't waste anything.
I know that people can die from LD, and there can be perminant damage, and may never go into remission. But I just can't think like that. I have to focus on how God made me victorious, more than a conqueror, a co-heir with Christ, a warrior and a fighter. I know that God is good, kind, Healer, consistent in His character, unrelenting, and His grace is enough. I know that nothing is wasted in His kingdom, and He wouldn't allow this to happen and leave me hanging. And above it all I KNOW He loves me. Without a shadow of a doubt He loves me. I have to focus on these things. I have to focus on Christ, otherwise I sink.
Focusing on the Truth of things and His character gives me peace. When I get away from that I get depressed, and restless. It's a choice I'm learning I have to make moment by moment.
My pastor once told me to not be under the circumstance, but above it. And that's what I'm learning. I'm learning to thrive in this sitatation, not just survive it.
Sorry this was a bit scatter brained and random. Just getting my thoughts typed out was a challenge. Lyme brain is hard to work through- but I'm trying.
Today is the last day of Lyme Disease awareness month. Please take a moment to check out ilads.org or watch "under our skin" http://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=CVzXsKvN2ck
Even if you think Lyme Disease has nothing to do with you, you may be surprised. There is valuable information in this documentary that will surprise you. Please get educated about Lyme Disease! Ignorance is not bliss in this situation.
Energy Expelled: I am beyond exhausted. My typing hand is tight, cramping, and really sore. My vision is going in and out. The ringing in my ears is loud. Bad headache, leg pain, and back pain.
~ "They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the LORD." Psalm 112:7