Saturday, March 7, 2015

Moving On

I can't believe we are moving tomorrow morning. As I'm attempting to pack up the little bedroom Tanner, our cat, and I stayed in over the past 17 months I can't help but cry. Happy tears, sad tears, overwhelmed tears... Lots of tears. 

17 months ago Tanner and I moved in with my parents because he was applying to be a state patrol and we overlapped 3 months of our lease being up and state patrol school starting. Little did we know Tanner would decline his acceptance because I was going to become extremely ill. 

I remember the week of us moving like it was yesterday. I was having health problems a couple weeks before we moved. We moved on a Sunday and the Monday before I was diagnosed with Lyme Disease. The day we moved I sat in the corner curled up in a ball- sick as a dog. 

Tanner had to make the hard decision 3 months later to decline his acceptance into state patrol. He did this because he wanted our marriage to be first and to fight for me. Who knew 3 months of waiting turned into 17 months of sickness. 

I'm so thrilled to have my own space with my husband- but I'm also terrified. I mean the last time I tried moving out I moved back in and stayed there cause I got so sick. I'm worried about relapsing. But I'm learning I can't make all future decisions based off fear of the unknown. 

Lyme Disease is something I've lived with and I'm going to live with. I believe Jesus healed me. Does this mean permanently or just for now? I don't know. I know relapsing happens and isn't uncommon. But I also know God is good and is going to take care of me. He always has and always will. 

Tanner and I lived with my parents for 17 months and lived on our own for 16  months... We have had quite the journey in almost 3 years. I love my husband more than words can express. 

My parents are the most incredible people. How many people take in their daughter and son in law and bless their socks off for a year and a half? The fact that they were able to help us amazes me. I'm so beyond thankful they were in a position to help us at our lowest point. I have absolutely no idea what we would have done without their support and love. We needed them and there they were. My parents served us and took such good care of us. Made an awful situation a tolerable one. They made us laugh when death felt tangible. They cried with us when we couldn't find hope. They stayed up super late to make sure I was okay. They did our chores and cooked meals and did laundry. They prayed with us when life was too hard. Drove me to Dr appts and made sure I ate and took my meds. They were never too busy for us and put us first. They may not have known what exactly to do... But they did it. They kept me alive. 

My parents were Jesus with skin on and we couldn't be more thankful for their generosity. They deserve lots of jewels in their crowns in heaven. 

I feel like I'm leaving a season of life. I'm still grieving it though. Trying to learn how to deal with feeling better, but not 100%. Trying to learn my boundaries and keep my health #1. Trying to fight for peace and be content with where I am. 

I feel like the demon of Lyme Disease stole a chunk of my days. But Jesus is restoring 10 fold and showing me the beauty in the life I have. 



~ Life takes us to unexpected places, but love brings us home. 

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