Month 11(prt 1): Finding Positive

Well, I've been doing IV rocephin for about a week now. I'm in tons and tons of pain. But that's what happened the last time I did this one. The first couple weeks were pretty painful, but then symptoms started melting away. So I'm thinking that's going to happen this time. 

I saw Dr.N again today. All went well. My white blood count is totally back to normal. He is so surprised at how quickly it jumped back too. That's called the power of prayer folks! 

I'm staying on IV abx, same oral abx and a couple changes with supplements and herbals. Basically, we are working on my adrenals (exhaustion, headaches, needing salt on everything, vertigo, racing heart), babesia (headaches, heart pain/palpitations/irregular heartbeat, spleen pain, chest pain,eye sight issues, sweating), and borellia (I think mainly lower back pain). I'm also having a lot of GI issues, so he's trying to figure that one out. Guess we will see in the weeks to come what's going on with that.  

It's been like clockwork. The past three weeks the hiatal hernia has started causing issues on Sundays. And after I get adjusted Monday I have no issues till the following Sunday. Silly body. I'm thrilled the adjustments help though. 

Dr.N also suggested I start to see another Dr, along with him, for some hormonal imbalances. So that'll be fun... I hope. Haha. Lyme Disease is never just Lyme Disease. That booger comes along with parasites, sleeping issues, yeast, hormone imbalances, allergies... All sorts of stuff. It's like an onion. Got to keep pealing away layers. 

He also said I have color in my face and that he thinks I turned the corner! **mental happy dance** you should reread that last part a couple of times. I did :D

I love what I've been learning too! My thoughts and what I do with my feelings are so important. I've started journaling each day about what I'm thankful for, and what has been a blessing to me- it's a gratitude list. My goal is to look for the good and things I'm thankful for, instead of what could go wrong and what's completely out of my control. I may not be in control of a lot of things, but I am in control of how I respond to them. I can surrender the issues and put them in the hands of a God that can actually do something about them. He gives wisdom, peace and joy. 

 My emotions depict my thoughts which depict my actions.  

I mean I'm not lying to myself and making things up. I'm still reading my body and resting and taking care of myself. I just don't want to dwell on negative. I want to keep moving forward. I've noticed I've been more motivated and determined. I don't feel like LD controls my life, but that I'm moving forward and my goals are totally attainable. I have such peace. Thank You, Jesus, for being my Prince of Peace. 

Energy Expelled: It's been a long day so pain is just having a field day in my lower back, heart and spleen. My hands are done typing and I've got a nasty headache coming along. Yay for ice! 

Thankful for:

• Laughing with my husband

• The sound of rain

• Chocolate covered pretzels 

~ "I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on. There will be an end to these troubles but until that day comes, still I will praise You. Still I will praise You." 

Month 10(prt 2): Moving Along

It was another "exciting" couple of weeks with my health. I broke out in terrible hives (from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet) for almost a week. My hiatal hernia started causing some serious issues. My lab work came back worrisome. And my childhood dog, Jackson, passed away.  

My body doesn't really follow rules, but that's okay, because two can play that game ;) 

I'm pretty sure the hives were an emotional response to all the anxiety I was facing. The morning my family dog of 14 and a half years had to go into surgery I woke up with a HUGE anxiety attack. Like intense. After I went back to sleep and woke up I noticed a rash forming on my legs. And after a couple hours it just got worse and worse. To the point where my face had disappeared, the inside of my ears were covered and even the palms of my hands were a mess. I was super attractive to say the least ;) 

We waited it out a day and called my doctor. He proceeded to up some of my medications, take me off one and told me to wait it out. He also told me my white blood cell count was low. 

I freaked out! What the heck does that even mean? 

And the next day I started not being able to swallow anything. I was unable to even swallow my own spit without hyperventilating and crying from pain. I thought it was heartburn. So I drank baking soda water, took tums and pepto bismol, and was strict about my diet. Which none of that helped and I still had a sob fest everytime I swallowed. 

Finally Monday morning (2 days later) it dawned on Tanner that a year and a half ago I had an upper endoscopy and was told I had a hiatal hernia. I was told this could never bother me or could pop up one day and I'd need surgery. 

So I went to my chiropractor, Dr.M. He pulled my stomach down and I have not had any issues since! It's been a week of me enjoying swallowing and thanking my stomach for going back down. 

After that I got a phone call from the place that sends me my IV meds and watchs my bloodwork. They were VERY concerned about my vanco levels (the IV abx I was on) and my low WBC. They said they both dropped way too low in a week. Dr.N called right after that and took me off everything. He also told me he needed to see me pronto. 

Short Appointment Update: 

I see Dr.N next in a week and a half instead of a month. He is switching me from vancomycin IV to rocephin IV. I'm off most oral abx and on a TON of herbal suppliments. My WBC is better. Not back to normal, but not as low. So yay! But I have to see him sooner than normal to make sure things only get better. 

So what have I been learning? I think if I've learned anything from this season of life it's about people. I could write for days about this, and maybe I will write a post all about it soon... But... 

Going through Lyme Disease treatment is so so lonely. I don't see many people and I don't go many places. I mean, I'm  exhausted and I don't feel well. No ones fault. The people I was close with before treatment don't really talk to me much anymore. The friends and family I thought would walk through hell and back with me have deserted me or have become  "bored" after a few months. And I don't blame those people. This is super boring. There have been more hopeless moments than hopeful moments. I cannot fake positive change, and because of that, I think it's too depressing and scary for those who don't understand my life to understand what has really happened, and is happening. 

But you know what? The people that have stood by me and have walked this through with me, even on the most hopeless and boring days, mean the world to me. Those people have brought hope into dark days, spoken truth when all I heard was lies, and gotten angry at the enemy when I took more steps backwards than forwards. Those people have taught me how to fight for others and love others exactly where they are at. And they've shown me love and support and encouragment that has seriously gotten me this far. They've shown me the power in walking life out with people and the power in not giving up on them. I can't wait to dance with those people at my remission party! They are the ones that I know will be by my side through thick and thin. The rest of my life. Those people have gotten me this far and "thank you" could never be enough or show my true gratitude. 

They've walked with me and stood with me and loved me at the darkest of nights. And I can't wait to dance with them at the break of dawn. They deserve to dance the finish line with me. 

Energy Expelled: My hands hurt!!! Stupid arthritis. My feet and legs are screaming at me. I hate bartonella. And I just feel plain crappy. Ready for a movie and ice packs. Thank you, Tanner, for making this an easier read. 

~ "It is during the worst times in your life that you will get to see the true colors of the people who say they care for you." 

~ "When someone is going through a storm, your silent presence is more powerful than a million empty words." 

Month 10(prt1): Long Story Short

It's been a while since I've posted an update- did you miss me? ;) I've been so sick and tired and dealing with Lyme Disease drama that I haven't been able to post anything. 

I weekly have to get my blood drawn to make sure the vancomycin is in me and doing it's job. My first blood test came back looking like I had never even done the infusion before. The pharmacist said my body is detoxing it out so fast that it's not staying in me at all. Which can be a good thing that my body likes to quickly remove foreign things, but not so much in this case. So I was moved up from twice a day to three times (2 hours each time) a day of vancomycin. Lyme killin baby! 

The past two weeks have been a nightmare. Problems: My PICC area was bleeding and was leaking like crazy. The first time getting my blood drawn for vancomycin was done incorrectly and I had to do it again that same week. Solutions: Labcorp called and said they lost my blood. It took like 4 days to figure out the blood drawing issue. And I have to lay completely flat while infusing with my arm elevated. Plus I had to stop the Myers cocktail cause my veins were having issues with how thick it was. 

During the headache of all that I was in a panic attack mode. And due to that I got very ill. Even after I got all of it figured out my body was still so sick from all the stress. 

About a week and a half ago I started having vertigo. It was terrible! For four days I couldn't lift my head or really even move without thinking I was gonna die. 

Last week I saw my dr and he said my adrenals were shot. Which explained the vertigo, head pressure, motion type sickness, racing heart nonsense. I'm currently on things to help my adrenals, kill babesia, detox liver and kidneys, and kill bartonella. He did say I'm herxing. Which is good. Just sucks! I was given permission to skip doses if the herx is too much. I told him I can just push through and he said no, pushing through a strong herx does not make healing come faster. He said, "getting into remission is not a sprint, it's a marathon." 

Once I started the new stuff I've started feeling a bit better. I'm back to my "regular" symptoms of pain. Pain in my head, chest,heart,spleen,lower back,legs and feet. Honestly though, I would rather pain than that vertigo nonsense! 

I've been learning how important it is for me to stay stressed free. With the PICC issues, blood draw confusion, and increasing the vanco dosage- I was so sick! I'm so glad that that's all sorted out and I'm back on the track of healing! Just need to breathe and keep fighting through. 

Energy Expelled: Well, obviously it took me a month to find motivation to write this. Took me four hours to type out. My hands are done and my back is getting pissed. Gonna drink tons of water and take a nap. But first infuse, then a nap. 

~ Those that have walked with me through the darkest night will get to dance with me at the break of dawn.