Long story short borellia (one of the three infections I have) is under control, not dead, but under control. Babesia (a coinfection) and bartonella (a coinfection) has flaired up pretty bad. Those are big fat boogers. And all the abx have made yeast flair up. But if I stop abx to clear up yeast the LD will come back worse. So all of my treatment was changed. I am to call Dr.N at the end of this week if I haven't gotten better so he can change treatment again.
A lot needs to change by the end of the week though because I'm miserable. I feel like I have maleria/babesia (thought I had makeria in 2007 coming back from Uganda. Now looking back it was probably a babesia flair up- they are very similar). I'm so naseous, fevers, fatigue, dizzy, vertigo, shaking, headaches, chest pain, heart pain, migraines, heart palpitations/racing, so much anxiety. Just an overall BLAH feeling. I think it's a Herx. I hope it's a herx. Die Lyme, Die!
A few days ago I spoke with a friend. He was telling me about how boxers (I think it was boxers. Silly Lyme brain) win. He was telling me that even if you are the weakest of the two and you keep falling down from each hit you can still win. You win by doing one thing. One thing that discourages the other boxer. He told me you get back up. That's all you have to do. Even if you're the weaker of the two, if you get back up after each hit the other boxer gets more and more discouraged. While you get stronger and stronger, just by getting back up.
It's the same with fighting this disease. No matter how tired I am from getting no sleep. Or how much pain I'm in. Or how week I am. If I get back up I win. Because every time I get back up it discourages the Enemy. And sooner than later he's gonna get so discouraged by me getting back up after each hit, he's gonna give up. As long as I don't give up, he will give up. And I will win.
I've got my lyme green boxing gloves on, I'm in the rink and I'm gonna win. Even if I fall down a ton, I'll get back up each and every time.
Those of you that are dealing with a chronic disease. Mental, physical or both. You amaze me. You deal with pain, insurance companies, loneliness, dr. appts, hurtful comments, people not getting it, days spent in bed, having no control over the things your body does and thinks. And you're still here. You're still pushing through. You're still alive. And I'm proud of you. I may not know you very well. But if you are batteling for your health, physically or mentally, I'm proud of you. You are an inspiration and a true warrior. Keep fighting. It'll be worth it.
Energy Expelled: This took a week to write. The vision in my eyes is pretty bad. I'm naseous, dizzy, and feverish. My hands are cramping up and my fingers aren't too thrilled about life. And I've got a nasty migraine coming.
~ This is not the end.
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