Can we all agree that life is messy, raw and a little dirty (either mud dirt that looks gross, or Ugandan red dirt that makes you feel like a warrior princess)? We've all walked through seasons of life that we'd rather forget. We've all been angry, upset, frustrated, and have cried. ALL OF US!
Lately I've been getting frustrated by fake people. People that put on a mask and act like their life is all butterflies and daisies. The ones you feel embarrassed of telling you had a hard time with a Pinterest project because they always get it right . The ones who always say God is good, not in a genuine way, but in a way that they're trying to prove it to themselves. The ones that you feel you can never get a real, heartfelt answer from.
Can we be honest for 2 seconds... We all have skeletons in our closet. Not even skeletons, but things we know others would judge us for. No one. And I mean no one is perfect. Not now and not ever.
And I'm not just talking about sins. I'm talking about that movie you saw that you didn't want to tag on Facebook. It was funny but people would judge you for filling your mind with garbage. Or how long you watched Netflix for last night because, instead, you should have been sleeping or reading the Bible. Or how you're really doing. Because your heart is mad at God because He should have healed your mom, but people will judge you for saying that cause you should be looking for the blessing in disguise.
We fear people judging us and coming up with their own conclusions about who we "really" are. So we say things like "yeah, I drank too much last night, but I've never done that before." "I didn't work out this week, but I normally go to the gym everyday." "Life is really hard right now, but God is good." "I ate Taco Bell for lunch, but I didn't have time to go anywhere else and I never eat there."
Why do we do this?! Why are we so concerned about people drawing their own conclusions? About people judging us? Why are we worried we won't look like perfect Christians who are so intuned with Jesus that we do nothing wrong?
Newsflash! None of us have the exact same convictions, stories, sins, or passions.
On Facebook they have a spot where you can see what you've posted on this day in the years past. A couple weeks ago I was tagged in a note back in High School. The kind of note where if you comment the person had to post their favorite memory with you, a song that reminds you of them and what they'd change about you. I, because I had little self worth, commented. The person replied with some fun things that made me smile and finished saying I wasn't very genuine and that I was fake.
Ouch! But true. I kept my life drama to myself and my best friend. I did the whole life sucks but God is good thing. I wore a thick foundation mask to make it look like Jesus and I were as tight as leggings. I was concerned if I looked less than perfect people wouldn't like me, or let me lead or trust me. Can you say people pleaser?
Then I found out I had Lyme Disease and cos. My mental and physical state were attacked. I was in physical pain and dealing with rage, depression, and anxiety. I was jobless and not in school. I felt like an embarrassed loser. I could either justify every move I made, or be real about it all. I soon realized people deal with a lot of the same issues. I'm not the first to walk through X, Y, or Z and I'm not the last. I'm led to believe that if I'm less than what I've built in my head I should be, then people are going to judge me and think less of me.
Let's call that what it is: crap! When we are so concerned with how others will view us we are missing out on our healing and helping others get healed. Not just sin healing, but physical, mental and spiritual. If you're open to talking about that awkward medical issue then others can seek a doctor. If you're open with talking about how you love Jesus and cuss a little then you open yourself to talking with people you may not have before. When you're open about your diet, relationships, hardships, weaknesses, and tired moments you're opening yourself up to being vulnerable which builds friendships.
Let's stop this pathetic game with ourselfs and others. If you eat cheeseburgers, it's okay, you're not the first or the last. If you are hurting, its okay, others are hurting too. And if you are fantastic at crafts and have lovely children that's okay too! Let's stop sharing things and finishing it up with a but. People are going to judge you if you're not what they think perfect is and they'll judge you if you are perfect. So you be you! Mud, Ugandan dirt, cheeseburgers, wine, and all!
Being vulnerable makes others vulnerable which leads to the best conversations.
So why am I vulnerable and raw? Why do I share the ugly parts of my Lyme journey? Why do I ask hard questions? Because I firmly believe healing comes in the most vulnerable of places. Because the deeper life takes you the deeper you get with Jesus. Because I know people are going to judge me either way and I will never live up to the whole world's expectations. And because I care more about people's hearts than their actions.